I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
