You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
