Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize