I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
