check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
