dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We need to get me chipped asap
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
