member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The air was thick with penises
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
