If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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