how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
