One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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