An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
