just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
