I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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