There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
