Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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