there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
