I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
