Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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