what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
