I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
