In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
