if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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