just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
