i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
