Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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