can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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