How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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