Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
