I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I AM VODKA MAN
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
