I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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