pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
