I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
two words: eviction party
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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