i already hear my dad disowning me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
