Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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