Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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