Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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