I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
