question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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