i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
