i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
