So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
