We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
