i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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