you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
