shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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