I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
