Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did i walk over a car last night?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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