Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize