i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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