New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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