Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
