I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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