Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize