Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
