I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
pray to the hookup gods
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
