to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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