She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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