My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
