Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
