Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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