Who wears a wallet chain?!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
