just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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