I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
