Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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