Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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