woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
