i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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