What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
