So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
