she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was a blind-side dick pic.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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