I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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