That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
