he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
