the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my poor anus
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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