i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
