Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
