Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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