I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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