Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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