So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
