im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
