we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
