I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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