I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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