Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
