Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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