So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
