we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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