Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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