Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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