I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize