I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
