I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she pinky promised me she was 18
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize