Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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