Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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