Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
P.S. I can't hear my feet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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