i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
