if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
