we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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