Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He shit in the fireplace
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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