i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
