woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
