He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
