he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
